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Love and Relationships
 
Parenting 
Please tell me that I'm not being selfish
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2010-08-19 10:58 AM 9 replies, 1082 viewings  Add to my Favorites Printer friendly version
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MyArse This accout has been deleted |
I'm a mom to a 20-month old baby. I'm 24 and my husband is 29. Not that I'm being impolite or whatever, i would pretty much say our life is comfortable, financially speaking, I would say. But for sometime now, I've been bothered or annoyed ay some point about rude and intrusive questions/ comments like "When are you planning your next one?". As always, I'd simply reply with a big NO, not for now. And at times I'd also tell them that " I don't want another baby, I think. ", which is what i trully feel right now. They may react differently each time, but it all comes down to a disapproving-frowning-face asking me WHY? And I'm being honest with you all, some people are just plain rude and can say mean things on anyone that they even know a bit. It really makes me feel sad that they have to tell me right up front that I'm being selfish to my daughter. Which is so not true. I love my daughter, we love her so much. We planned on having her, we didn't try to make her while being stupid ( u guys know what i mean ). I nurtured her inside, with my husband's help and my doctors of course. I had a hard time giving birth, after just a mere 36 hours of labor and agonizing pain there she was, finally out. An eight-pounder plus 1.3 ounces. A beautiful big one. I tried to move on after that traumatic labor. It gave me the blues, though. 6 weeks post-partum, I went to my OB. I ask for a prescription for depo-provera. I never missed any of my shots, I wouldn't dare try to.
I'm just so thankful that my husband respects my decision. Each time I would tell him my stories about people telling me that I'm being selfish for some reason, he'd simply tell me that it's my body anyway, just like what he told me when we had "our talk". I can't believe that I'm crying right now. Coz it's really not okay to judge and be judged by. I've got plans for my family and for my self. We have a lot to do, just the three of us. And bringing another being is not in my mind right now. I've got co-workers and some people I knew that wanted to be pregnant for some really dumb and selfish reasons. Like wanting to get the bigger-boobs effect, the trying-to-save-and-repair-the-relationship reasons, giving a playmate to the other sibling, and so on. These are true and it really occurs inside their greymatter. Now that's what being selfish is! And tell me I'm not one of them. |
| myfilipina Posts: 52  Joined: 2009-10-15 Location: toronto User Profile |
Its your life and so you should live it as you see fit! | ||
| Brownboy123 Posts: 16  Joined: 2010-07-08 Location: Kingston then, Costa Rica, Sudz then TO. User Profile |
Fuck that noise. Its your own life. I find NOT having kids is equally if not more responsible than having kids. | ||
| capitaine Posts: 11 Joined: 2010-07-24 Location: gatineau, quebec, canada User Profile |
No worry you are not SELFISH and i do feel sorry for what people tell you. First i am happy you have this baby and has being made with a lots of love...jsut this part a lots of people should get it from you..Making babies is not a game, it's very serious and you have to think about the futur of him or of her also because a child is your child all your life, and that is one of the biggest resposanility. Better jsut have one and being able to take care of than a lots and not being able. First that is your responsabilty you and your husband as a family to answer that..Nobody else... My mother is from a family of 18 children do you think they were make all with love??? no do you think they all went to school and study? do you think they were able to to feed them? no so you are not selfish because you think about your health to be able to take care of this precious gift the LORD permit you to have. Be bless and also be happy and enjoy times with your child. Capi taine | ||
| rhowena Posts: 56  Joined: 2009-10-08 Location: Mississauga, Ontario User Profile |
Lots of great advice here. I've never had a child so I can't even imagine what it must feel like to be in your position. I would take everyone's advice in this thread. It's not hard to make a decision if you know what your values are. Often times, when we make a decision, we have to give or take something in exchange for it. You made decision so stand by it. | ||
| Isabelle Posts: 387  Joined: 2006-01-19 Location: Melbourne, Australia User Profile |
you are definitely not being selfish. people do ask me if i have children and i politely say "no". then they ask why and i simply leave it at that. whether i reply back that i prefer not to have kids or i simply can't have kids, the reaction is the same. they look at you quite differently. then they go into this whole lecture of the whole point of marriage is having kids, blah, blah, blah....i'm being selfish, blah, blah, blah. the only way i shut them up is by telling them straight: i can't have kids. period. a while back in my uni days, i was most unfortunate to be on the receiving end of a punch in the gut. literally. without going into much detail, i was being taken advantaged off and because of my undying resistance...4 knuckles and say 5 pounds of pressure hit me right smack in the tummy. because of that, i can't ever be pregnant. well, i would say i was almost pregnant back when we were based in hong kong. but that resulted in a very early miscarriage. but point being, you're not being selfish. you're responsible for no one else but yourself and your family. others have no business telling you how to run it. if that's how they are, then they're not friends at all. belle | ||
| Chubshi Posts: 515  Online Joined: 2007-02-28 Location: Scarborough (born and raised, and still alive) User Profile |
What you do with your life is no one's business but yours and your husband's (as you two share a life together). Even people as close as your (or his) parents have no right to attempt to dictate to you the path your life should take. I'd politely answer people once or twice, but if they persisted in asking a 3rd time, I'd be pretty harsh with them... So much so I'm sure they'd never ask again. | ||
| kidsinweddings Posts: 8  Joined: 2010-05-09 User Profile |
Absolutely not! you are being responsible and you know what you want for someone so young. One thing to remember though is, most people love to make small talk. Most of the time there is no meaning to it. I am not defending them but you may have just misread them having been asked over and over with the same ?s. My husband has a huge family, when we just got married..I was bombarded with similar irritating questions and unsolicited advices. As time went by, I realized that they just needed something to say to me. So I learned to just smile and nod. Once in awhile there are brazen ones, just brush it off and move one. Smile..
look your best for less | ||
| louies77 Posts: 7 Joined: 2006-07-08 User Profile |
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| bless Posts: 1451  Joined: 2004-10-24 Location: Koalaland User Profile |
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