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Community
 
Thoughts 
Is a mixed relationship what Filipinos aspire to?
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2010-09-03 9:10 AM 11 replies, 585 viewings  Add to my Favorites Printer friendly version
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Brownboy123 Posts: 16  Joined: 2010-07-08 Location: Kingston then, Costa Rica, Sudz then TO. User Profile |
By mixed I mean white. I dont see a lot of flilipinos getting married to a black person. It seems that nothing has changed whether we are in the Philippines or in North America having a white spouse is better. I have a good friend who is married in NY to an African American. She stopped going to community get togethers because there is an underlying, palpable feeling racism. And please just be honest. I am all for being with who want to be, butask yourself this question, would you date a fat person? Would you like them better if they were thinner? |
| flipx Posts: 8868  Joined: 2002-06-17 Location: That house down the street, 3rd rock from the sun User Profile |
LoLz! Originally written by bubbles on 2010-07-21 10:13 AM
I can't speak for all Filipinos but I'll speak for myself. Yes, I would date a fat person. I would continue to date a thinner man even after he becomes fat after we have started dating. I would date a blind man, or a man on a wheel chair. I would date a white, black, yellow, red or brown man. The only thing I wouldn't do is dating them all at the same time Originally written by Brownboy123 on 2010-07-08 1:45 AM
I am all for being with who want to be, butask yourself this question, would you date a fat person? Would you like them better if they were thinner? | ||
MEM Joined: 2001-09-18 User Profile |
Variety is a spice of life!! | ||
| bubbles Posts: 75  Joined: 2009-10-06 Location: Ontario User Profile |
I can't speak for all Filipinos but I'll speak for myself. Yes, I would date a fat person. I would continue to date a thinner man even after he becomes fat after we have started dating. I would date a blind man, or a man on a wheel chair. I would date a white, black, yellow, red or brown man. The only thing I wouldn't do is dating them all at the same time :) Originally written by Brownboy123 on 2010-07-08 1:45 AM
I am all for being with who want to be, butask yourself this question, would you date a fat person? Would you like them better if they were thinner? | ||
| farmer Posts: 7  Online Joined: 2009-10-08 User Profile |
why does everyone have to be politically correct , if not does it make you a racist? our society today is very tolerant watch movies from 1950s and see what i mean . I know filipinos in rural ontario that are happy , it wasnt that much different than city life | ||
lostgirl Joined: 2002-04-30 Location: Somewhere Outthere User Profile |
i aspire to have a good and healthy relationship, doesn't matter what race. you say that you don't see as much filipinos dating black people...well...maybe you're in the wrong area...lol! i am more aware of filipino women married to black men, than filipino women with white men. i'm actually doing a wedding photo coverage of a wedding this coming august as another example.... pinay bride to a black groom. [Edited by lostgirl on 2010-07-20 6:16 PM] | ||
| Chito Posts: 81  Joined: 2009-09-14 Location: Ottawa User Profile |
Hey we'll all be either Chinese or Indian in the end. They seem to be taking over the world. :D Seriously, people go into relationships for all sorts of reasons. I don't believe Filipinos "aspire" to be into mixed relationships. In fact, most pinoys/pinays who just arrive here tend to look for pinoys/pinays as well. Most who have though, do so for reasons other than the colour of the skin. I really don't find anything "wrong" with it. To each his own. | ||
| AnimeKnight Posts: 3875  Joined: 2006-08-07 Location: Greater Toronto Area (North) User Profile |
I'm assuming you read NordenX's post... opens your eyes, does it? Sadly, that's what the majority of people - in this case, Filipinos back in the Motheland - tend to do: they find whatever is different about someone (skin color, how big your nostrils are, how kinky your hair is, how deathly pale white you are, how fat or how skinny.. the list goes on) and exploit that as if it were nothing more than a joke. It's not a mere joke. People do get hurt, and that may also be one reason why some people prefer to have non-Filipino partners that 'look better' and thus address their insecurities placed upon them as a child. About your friend: No, they would not have said much were they half-white instead.. but that is still no excuse for anyone to taunt anyone of mixed heritage no matter what color they are. I had a classmate in High School who was half-white who was still subject to verbal abuse because of how he looked. Point is, no one who has fallen prey is exempt; no one who instigates such things should be exempt either. I'd confront that person and tell them to look at themselves first, before they start picking on others. Case in point, I myself have been subject to insults because of the way I look (though looking at my profile picture now, it would be hard to believe). It was a hard cross to bear, but just as there were people mocking me, there were as much people supporting me. True enough, almost two decades after I left for Canada, I happened upon a couple of classmates on Facebook. We spent almost two hours IM'ing each other through Java chat, mostly with me trying to downplay their apologies for giving me such a hard time in the past. One of them even said outright that he was envious of me, to which I replied: "Pareho tayo ng pinanggalingan at pinag-aralan. Wala akong dahilan para ka-inggitan ka, pero ikaw meron para sa akin. Kung alam ko pa yun noon.. matagal na sana akong galit sa iyo, pero wala akong nalalaman. Kaya hindi ako nagagalit sa iyo" (We have the same heritage and went to the same school. I had no reason to envy you, even though you had a reason to envy me. Had I known, I would have already been angry at you. I know nothing of that, thus I bear no grudge towards you). I added them to my friend's list afterward. It's rare to see a couple of high-profile lawyers begging for your forgiveness, too Chubshi's right, though. Children are the hope of the future. Maybe through these children of mixed bloodlines, we will eventually overcome the barriers that hold us back because these children will have been properly taught by their parents about the values of human respect and dignity. So, we may not have to be reborn colored purple.. but at least we have a chance to add more colors to our pallette and paint our lives brighter than before. Originally written by Brownboy123 on 2010-07-08 8:37 AM
I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is very difficult to be in a group when someone says " I will only date..." It is akin to trophy hunting. Look at me I have white person. This denigrating view of filipinos of attaching "lightness" of color to being better annoys and infuriates the hell out of me. My friend who I mentioned has two kids both mixed. We were on said party and one of the filipnios said "mga nog-nog". It was all I can do to stomp these fuckers to the ground. I bet they wouldn have said that if they were half white. man, i wish we call wipe the slate clean and all be purple. [Edited by AnimeKnight on 2010-07-08 1:55 PM] | ||
| Chubshi Posts: 515  Joined: 2007-02-28 Location: Scarborough (born and raised, and still alive) User Profile |
Eventually one day mixed heritage people will be the majority. It may be a long time coming, and in countries where people immigrate from it will take even longer, but here in North America (where it seems most people from all over the world immigrate to) you have people of all different cultures mixing and mingling. The kids that are born or grow up here are more likely to shed the discriminatory views their culture may traditionally hold towards other cultures as they will be growing up with other cultures in school, and work alongside them in the workplace. A lot of cultural barriers will fall, and we're already seeing that. Again, I will never have a problem with inter-racial dating as long as the people are dating their partner for who they are as a person, not who they are as a race. Originally written by Brownboy123 on 2010-07-08 12:37 PM
I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is very difficult to be in a group when someone says " I will only date..." It is akin to trophy hunting. Look at me I have white person. This denigrating view of filipinos of attaching "lightness" of color to being better annoys and infuriates the hell out of me. My friend who I mentioned has two kids both mixed. We were on said party and one of the filipnios said "mga nog-nog". It was all I can do to stomp these fuckers to the ground. I bet they wouldn have said that if they were half white. man, i wish we call wipe the slate clean and all be purple. | ||
| Brownboy123 Posts: 16 Joined: 2010-07-08 Location: Kingston then, Costa Rica, Sudz then TO. User Profile |
I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is very difficult to be in a group when someone says " I will only date..." It is akin to trophy hunting. Look at me I have white person. This denigrating view of filipinos of attaching "lightness" of color to being better annoys and infuriates the hell out of me. My friend who I mentioned has two kids both mixed. We were on said party and one of the filipnios said "mga nog-nog". It was all I can do to stomp these fuckers to the ground. I bet they wouldn have said that if they were half white. man, i wish we call wipe the slate clean and all be purple. | ||
| AnimeKnight Posts: 3875 Joined: 2006-08-07 Location: Greater Toronto Area (North) User Profile |
I'm all for Chubshi's comments below, plus my two cents: What also kind of frustrates me is that many Filipinos - no matter where they are - have somehow gained this notion that white/black folks are better than us brown folks, and that's that. It's like for some reason they want to erase all physical traits that distinguish us Filipinos from everyone else by intermarrying with other races. The main factor is that for these people, it's all about the looks.. and they vary. The sad thing is, this is a stereotype that is unintentionally set upon a majority from a very young age, and we all know that cultural barriers are hard to break if the minds are one-tracked. As sad as it is, a good chunk of Filipinos still choose to mingle with other races of their own volition with nothing held back. Sticking with someone who shares the same culture is ideal, of course.. but there's also nothing wrong with being with someone not of your culture simply because you get to embrace new boundaries as a social being. My friends are a mixed bag - they come from literally everywhere. I myself have dated a variety: Guyanese, Vietnamese, Ghanian, Spanish, Greek and Palestinian; all have different cultures, and I still keep in touch with them - even if only to say 'hi'. I am deeply involved with a Filipina now, and she finds it impressive that my circle of friends is so diverse. In the two years that we have been together, she has overcome her shyness and has become a better communicator and an even better friend to a new, more open mixed bag of people, not just Filipinos. As for your friend, she needs to shake of that feeling of segregation if she wishes to remain married to her husband. It is true that racism is alive and well in some parts of the US, but it is not a barrier one cannot overcome. These community gatherings are only a first step. The only way to overcome that feeling is, quite simply, to go out more. These feelings of apprehension will at some point adversely affect their relationship, so better to nip it at the bud. One of our other veterans on this forum is a Filipino male married to an African-American, and I can tell you that they are quite happy with their two children. I am sure he will be the first one to tell you that in spite of these cultural missteps of our other brethren, anything is possible if you keep an open mind. EDIT: I found the thread where his (NordenX) post is, HERE. I am sure you'll find it very enlightening. [Edited by AnimeKnight on 2010-07-08 10:30 AM] | ||
| Chubshi Posts: 515 Joined: 2007-02-28 Location: Scarborough (born and raised, and still alive) User Profile |
I think mixed relationships are great (I'm the product of one), but I don't think it's something one should aspire to necessarily. When I meet people who say "I only like (insert race/culture here) girls/guys" it bothers me. I understand that people have their physical preferences and all, but when they say it like that it makes it seem as though they're hunting for a trophy. I will also instantly get the feeling that if they put looks (which I think this qualifies as) ahead of all that people have to offer so easily that they're a bit shallow, and probably someone that I will have a hard time getting along with. Now, there are definitely other reasons that a person may prefer various cultures over others. Shared history, and cultural values. Common religion. Things that are quite the opposite of looks. Sometimes these things if not common between two people can easily be overcome, and sometimes people let these things come between them. Unfortunately it can become trendy to date people of a certain culture. Some Asian girls as you mentioned love white guys (and vice versa). Some love black guys. Some white girls love black guys. Some white guys love brown (I hope that isn't considered a racist term?) girls. At the end of the day I think everyone should aspire to find happiness. If that person is a different culture, that's great. If it's someone of the same culture, that's also great. I just find it sad that there are people out there that probably pass up great times, shared experiences, and maybe even love with another person because that person had the wrong skin tone. |
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